Motherhood is such a profound calling. It’s a purposeful conviction far bigger than anything I’ve ever known. It’s so complex, so beautiful, so fulfilling that it’s almost too hard to put into words. Hence why I haven’t yet, but today I’m giving it a shot.

Duke is the center of our world. It’s almost as if he’s always been a part of us even though he’s only been around for 6 months. He’s the spitting image of his father, especially when it comes to his facial expressions and those impressive eyebrows. Although, I see myself in the way he scrunches his nose when he’s laughing extra hard.

He’s definitely laid back like his dad, but his silly babbles have lead people to say he “talks a lot, like his mother”. What can I say… he definitely gets that from me!

He’s incredibly determined, much like both of us. When it comes to a toy or object that he wants he will stop at nothing to get his hands on it (and his mouth). His favorite things to do are throw everything within his reach onto the ground, hit toys together to make loud noises (while screaming at the same time), and laugh while he repetitively knocks over my stack of books in the living room no matter how many times I put them back up.

When he’s tired or cranky all he wants is me. If I’m being honest, that small act in itself makes a person feel important. All we ever want in this life is to feel needed, wanted, and loved by another soul. He makes me feel extra special when he looks into my eyes and runs his hands over my face, getting to know every curve like it’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen or felt.

Sometimes kissing him, hugging him, and squeezing him feels like I’m indirectly pouring love into my husband as well. Does that make sense? Don’t get me wrong, I still show AJ lots of love, but there is something about this mini human that truly is an extension of us.

AJ is the best father I’ve ever seen and that is a very large claim having come from two incredible fathers ourselves. My dad, for example, has always chosen his children above all else. He made it known to each of us early on that we are valuable, we have a purpose, and we hold importance in this world. AJ’s father has done much of the same, pouring love, support, and guidance into him throughout every phase of his life. Both gave us such companionship, confidence, and assurance in our relationships with them, and I can’t wait to see the way that carries into the bond that builds between Duke and his dad.

Each new layer of this little boy’s personality is going to be beautiful to watch develop. I was just telling my husband the other day that I really didn’t start to feel a big connection to Duke until around month four. At first I just felt like a milk machine feeding a tiny human who only cared about eating, sleeping, and dirtying his diaper. It wasn’t until he hit the stage where he could interact with me that I truly felt like we had a relationship. Now I sit at my computer during the work day just thinking about his smile and counting down the hours until I can pick him up from daycare. My special buddy! My little friend.

Motherhood is an entirely new world that I never would have understood before I experienced it for myself. I’ve learned so much through the process of pregnancy and these first few months with our boy, but mostly I’ve learned about myself.

I’m so much nicer now… can anyone else relate to that? LOL. There is something about having a child that made me see everyone around me as just another persons son or daughter, making me want to treat them with extra care. Or maybe it’s the simple fact that I just don’t have time to be upset over a co-worker giving me a hard time or a friend rubbing me the wrong way anymore. This kiddo takes up much of my focus now.

It’s all so crazy. I had no idea this kind of love existed. I’m feeling very grateful and am constantly stopping to thank God for the beautiful reality I’m living.

More to come later ~