I’ve met all types of people who hold the title of “First Born”. So many different personalities, yet we all share similar experiences. There is an aspect of being the oldest that literally keeps you from being able to stop rolling your eyes sometimes. It can be frustrating, less than fair, almost sacrificial, but it’s what makes you who you are: the trailblazer.

As the oldest child in my family, I’ve got to start by telling you the struggle first… then the reward. The best is always worth saving for last.

The Downside

No actually does mean No
Ever had this problem? I have. The only logical explanation is, having never reached this point before, your parents are immune to the arguments their first born teenager makes. Zero efforts have been spent combatting them thus far, leaving plenty of momentum to stand firm with you. (Not so much the case with your younger brothers and sisters.)

The Pressure can be REAL
This part of being the oldest is unfortunately the worst. I’m not sure what the exact reasoning is. All I know is, for me, the praises and attention that came with being the first to reach every milestone had a reverse-psychological affect. With every supportive, proud, and loving comment my parents spoke in my direction, a voice in my head told me to be careful not to do anything that would take them away.

I didn’t think they wouldn’t love me anymore or anything like that, I just hated to disappoint. It weighed too deep on my heart. I think it had a lot to do with wanting so badly to succeed. I wanted to fulfill the role of being an example to my younger siblings. I wanted to make it through college, have a career, and do it all with a grace and determination that was bound to make them proud.

Awkward First Encounters that Pave the Way for your Younger Siblings
What I’m about to tell you deserves a few *thank you’s* pointed in my direction (from a certain 2 ladies who never knew this sort of struggle). If you’re the oldest in your family, you probably know what it’s like to hide something simply because it’ll start a conversation with your mom that you’re not excited to have. Exactly me… when I bought my first thong.

I don’t remember exactly which friends I was with on this day, but what I do remember is that I was at the mall when I came across the $1 thong section at Charlotte Russe. I know what you’re thinking… what a way to start, right? But remember, I was only 13. I was in 8th grade and at that point at least 50% of the girls in my class had graduated to wearing thongs, so it really wasn’t that big of a deal for us. I remember the appeal being that, one, they eliminate panty-lines in dresses, and two, they make you feel like a grown-up (a.k.a. a high schooler). So I left the mall with my first thong that day.

Because I hadn’t discussed this topic with my mom before, my only option was to start doing my own laundry. (No matter how accepting my mother was, a 13 year old just doesn’t want to talk about things like that if they don’t have to.) So I came home and I asked her to show me how. I took over for myself in the days following, but as an adolescent with a partially developed brain, I left my clothes in the washer for at least 24 hours on my first try.

And it was on that day that my mom learned of my new advancement. She didn’t embarrass me or laugh at me, but she definitely asked questions… lots of questions. And I definitely wanted to melt into the floor.

When my sisters hit this age they didn’t have any issues with feeling weird. My mom was prepared by this point. And isn’t that just the case with so many things as the oldest? The curfews, the rules, the awkward encounters… they all lessen or cease entirely by the time your siblings come through. (I mean, I wasn’t allowed my first prepaid cellphone until I was in high school… my little brother got an iPhone in 5th grade….. cue the *eye roll*).

There isn’t an older Sibling to give you Advice
I don’t want to sound ungrateful when I say this, because I love the role of first born. I would never wish it away. All I’m wanting to say here is that it would have been nice to have someone to tell you that, no, actually, your makeup does not look very pretty. Your mom just thinks you’re beautiful all the time (slash cute-for-trying). Or maybe someone to tell you that there is a rumor going around about you at school, or that you should never ever wear your bangs like that ever again.

Hopefully I’m not alone when I say that my *glow-up* came slower than my sisters, because they had me for these things.

Less than Fair Occasions
Can we talk about how sibling fights almost always end in, “But you’re older – you know better!” Yeah, that’s all I have to say here. (And no Leah, mom accidentally putting my hello kitty skirt in your closet does not make it any less mine.)

The Upside

The pros of being a big sister far outweigh the cons. There are so many priceless moments in life as the oldest.

You have the opportunity to coach your siblings, to help them, give them advice. You talk them through each stage of life, teach them how to drive when they’re just shy of a learner’s permit (whoops), tell them about high school and college and all the sucky people they’ll have to overcome. You’re there when they feel alone and you’re there to support them, screaming in the crowd, when they perform in their first band competition or run their first track meet.

You’re the buffer and the perspective that they need. You see both sides and you help them through every argument they have with their friends, with each other, with your parents. And you’re proud of them as if they’re your own. You get to see the phases. The changes. The confidence that grows as they get older, and the personality traits that come out with them. The talents, the hobbies, the milestones.

Being the oldest holds a sense of protectiveness. You just want to help them in any way that you can. You get a love you don’t find anywhere else. A love that involves playing the role of both mother and side kick. It’s a kind of love that you know is even deeper than their love for you.

Leah, Jill, & Luke –

I’m so happy that I came before you. I’m thankful for it all: the strictness, the pressure, the awkward encounters, figuring out life alone sometimes, and learning a lot the hard way. It meant that you wouldn’t have to. I know that as your sister you had to love me, but you each chose to be my friend too. You’re the best siblings and friends a girl could have. Y’all can get me laughing like no other, you’re equally irritating as you are amazing, and you hold a place in my heart that is untouchable. I would do absolutely anything for you three.

Thanks for making me a big sister. I love you so much.

Love, Sam